Put Your Fear in the Bitch Seat

For the past couple of years I have been a dream junkie. I write down my dreams (the ones I can remember anyways!!) and tend to the symbols that appear in them. I was recently listening to a Jungian Analyst who was giving a lecture on dream interpretation. I know. Sounds exciting, doesn’t it?!? But hear me out…

The lecture suggested that if you want to find the complex at work in your life then look at your past ten or so dreams and explore the common threads. I thought, what a freaking cool idea! To my surprise, fear was the predominate emotion in my dream life. I thought this was odd, as I didn’t think that fear was significantly in my life at this moment, but in digging deeper, I realized it was there. Ohhhh, yes, it was there. In a few areas, actually. I’ve just been burying it, ignoring it, and refusing to acknowledge it.

As I continue to tend to these past dreams, and look toward my more recent dreams, I know that some of the underlying fear is related to the direction I see myself moving in the next couple of years. I love what I am doing now—teaching yoga, coaching clients, and blogging, however, I can’t continue to ignore the whispers of my soul. It has been pointing me towards something that integrates all that I have been learning and doing, and I’ve been denying it for quite some time. I’d love to tell you what direction that is—but I’m still really fucking afraid! HA! Soon enough, friends, soon enough. It won’t be long till I can walk hand in hand with fear and “come out.” Because I am using the practices I outline below, and fear is loosening its grip. I’m working through and with the fear and quietly beginning to move in the direction I know I want to go.

Over the years I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter whether our fear is at the forefront, or being repressed, either way, it keeps us small and holds us back.

Elizabeth Gilbert says, “Your fear must be kept in its place. (True emergencies only, please.) Your fear must not be allowed to make decisions about creativity, passion, inspiration, dreams. Your fear doesn’t understand these things, and so it makes the most boring possible decisions about them. Your fear mistakes creativity and inspiration for saber-toothed tigers and wolf packs. They aren’t. Creativity and inspiration are the vehicles that will transport you to the person you most need to become.” If we are to live the lives we are destined to live, the lives we desire to live, then we must discipline our fear, place it in the back seat, and not allow it to take the wheel. Better yet, assign your fear to the bitch seat—the least desirable spot in the car. Because there’s not much space in that seat, plus you have to sit on that uncomfortable little hump, squeezed between two other people. Can you tell I have kids who constantly fight over where they will sit in the car?!? I digress…

Bottom line is that all fear does is hold us back from living a more expansive life. It keeps us from creating. It stops us dead in our tracks. As Jack Canfield says, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”

Take a moment to consider something you are afraid of, something that you have not yet acted on because your fear is holding you back. Perhaps this includes making a career change, leaving a relationship, trying out a new activity, leaving behind an addiction, exploring a creative pursuit or following a dream.

There is a beautiful poem by Hafiz, An Infant in Your Arms. He says,

The tide of my love

Has risen so high let me flood over

You.

Close your eyes for a moment

And maybe all your fears and fantasies

Will end.

If that happened

God would become an infant in your

Arms

And then you

Would have to nurse all

Creation!

If fear was not holding you back, what would you nurse into creation? What would you do if you knew you could not fail? What would you do if you did not fear judgment from others? (This last one being my greatest struggle. Ugh.) Perhaps there is a gift in this imagined fear, the gift of direction. Mastin Kipp says, “Unless you’re in mortal danger, fear is a compass showing you where to go.” I believe there is wisdom in this as there are many others out there who have said variations of the same thing.

For example, another prominent teacher, Joseph Campbell, says, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” Let’s take a moment and explore that metaphorical cave. What exactly is it that you are afraid of? Visualize all of your fears and write them down. What does it look like if the worst-case scenario came true? How does your body react? Take three deep belly breaths, breathing into your belly, expanding your rib cage, and drawing the breath into your upper chest. Don’t forget to exhale! Could you survive the worst-case scenario? Chances are you could. How many worst-case scenarios have you experienced in your life thus far? And look! You’re still alive and kickin’.

Now, visualize your courageous-self walking past those fears and farther into the cave. Visualize the best-case scenario. What do you see? What are you doing? How are you feeling? How is your body responding? Do you feel a sense of expansion or constriction? If you are feeling expansive and open-hearted as you imagine this best-case scenario, perhaps that is a sign to follow your fear, to walk into that cave, for it holds the treasure you seek.

Elizabeth Gilbert says, “I want us all liberated from the path of fear for many reasons—but mostly because it makes for such a damn boring life. Fear only ever tells you one thing: STOP. Whereas creativity, courage and inspiration only ever want you to GO. GO=motion=change=fascination=possibility=growth=LIFE. STOP=well, nothing. And nothing is always more boring than something. So…go do something.” Such brilliant words of wisdom. I fucking love this woman. I believe we are born to create and to witness creation. It is why we are here. Most everything created is the result of somebody moving past their fear. If our fear holds us back, we become stagnant and withdrawn from the raging rivers that feed our soul.

As you move towards that which you want, your fear will continue to arise. That’s okay. Give it a hug and then lovingly tell it to “fuck off.” Okay, that’s not really loving, maybe nicely tell it that you hear it, you see it, but you’re going to act anyways. The goal isn’t to be rid of fear, but rather to work with you’re fear. Again, to use the car analogy–it’s not that you kick your fear out of the car. You just don’t allow it to take the wheel.

It’s awesome that you’re afraid. It means that what you’re doing is important to you. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be afraid. Simply notice the fear. Witness it. Take a few belly breaths and relax behind it as if it were a cloud floating on by. Thank it for pointing you towards that which you desire.

I have also found a variation of one of Gabby Bernstein’s activities in her book May Cause Miracles to be quite helpful in working with fear.

Write: “I am willing to witness my fears” Write down what it is you fear.

Write: “I am willing to see this differently. I am willing to see love.”

Write: “I am afraid to _________. I am willing to see love instead of this.” What would choosing love over fear look like in this situation? Write it down.

Write: “I am willing to be courageous.”

Meditate on: “Show me the way.” Look to your dreams, to synchronicities, to signs from the universe. Trust that you are being divinely guided. Thank your fear, release it, and keep on marching forward. Do this practice, EVERY DAY.

I believe in you. I believe in me. We can do this, friends. Let’s start today. What is the direction your fear is pointing you towards? What is one step that you can take today to move in that direction?

One thought on “Put Your Fear in the Bitch Seat

  1. Beautifully written! I love the quote from Joseph Campbell, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” Thank you for this 🙏❤

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